Life as a Full-time Mom
My Mom and sisters and their kids went up to This is the Place Heritage Park to enjoy the day and let all the kids play. I had to take Cal to his check up so I was running late getting up there. As I began to drive to go join them I was sad to realize that by the time I got there they would almost be leaving. I was already almost to the University of Utah and I knew that Cal was desperate to get out and run around a little so I decided to go to City Creek mall to let him play on the dinosaurs in the food court.
At this time Cal was 18 months old and Marriner just a new 4 months old. As I pulled into the parking garage I realized I had no stroller that could fit them both. I had already come this far so I decided to just brave it and walk with them to the dinosaurs. Cal would NOT stay with me so here I went a boy in each arm, practically dragging them across City Creek. I kept getting stares of what I imagined were pity or disgust as the boys whimpered while I tried to keep my grip on both of them at the same time plus a big diaper bag full of their stuff.
I saw a woman eyeing me and I wondered if she was pitying me. I approached the heavy door out to the courtyard and wondered how in the world I would get it open when I saw her sidle up to me. I stopped, gratefully waiting for her to open the door but instead she said accusingly “I just need to tell you that I am a Physical Therapist’s assistant and if you hold your baby like that he is going to have a lot of problems! Look at his spine!” With that she hurried away. “Okay, thank you I said.”
I wanted to cry. I just felt sad. A lot of things went through my head as I propped the door with my foot and clunked my way through with the two boys still dragging along. I wanted to say so many things to no one in particular. Things like “Listen lady have you ever had kids before? Look at me. Do you think this is my regular way of holding him? Do you think I’m just on some daily jaunt through the mall where I carry an unusually huge almost 2 year old in one arm and a brand new baby in the other? You could at least hold the door open!” and “Since when do you have the right to just come up and give out free advice to people? What if I walked up to you and started giving out corrections based on my first impression!” But there was also a smaller softer voice that whispered “She probably just wants to be recognized for being an expert on something. She didn’t really mean any harm.” I chose to shrug it off and hurry into the food court feeling a little bruised but not broken.
The food court did not go well. Cal refused to stay in the pen that holds the dinosaurs. After chasing him back for the 50th time I finally just camped in front of the opening that lets kids out and tried to distract him. In the end he bit one of the other kids on the arm and after getting a scathing look from his mother and an admonition to watch him more carefully I decided we better break for lunch.
I got everyone situated in high chairs and then pulled out our ham sandwiches and cut apples that I had packed for what I had anticipated would be an excursion to the park. It was quiet as we ate and it felt like people were sneaking glances my way. Probably wondering why on earth a mother of two was sitting alone eating a sack lunch while everyone around us enjoyed Chick-Fil-A and food court chinese. I was tempted for a minute to buy myself something but then I thought of our little home we had just bought and the tiny budget I was strict about keeping us on. Again I swallowed the lump in my throat as I thought of my sisters all gathered at This Is The Place eating their lunches and playing at the splash pad.
The journey back to the car was as hot as I can remember being in the middle of July. I decided since the walk there had gone so badly that maybe I would just try kind of doing it at a small walk/run. By the time I got down to the sweltering parking garage both boys were fully crying and I was sweating like I'd just run a mile. I was desperate to make it to the car. I saw it a long way off and seriously wondered if my arms were going to give out all together. I mustered all my strength to make the last stretch and practically threw them into their car seats in the roasting interior. While I was fumbling with the buckles on Cal’s carseat and listening to both boys fully screaming I out of the blue felt a presence of someone near me. They seemed to say firmly “Sara, do not give up. You are doing a great work that will bring about great things. Do not give up.”
I felt so much peace in that moment and what just minutes before had been threatening to throw me over the edge suddenly just seemed like a hilarious day in the life. It makes me think of the promise in Mosiah 24:14 “And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.”
I know that that is true. Sometimes being a full-time at home Mom isn’t the most fun or glamorous thing I’ve ever done. Lots of times it means passing up on that dress or this vacation or just laundry and no adults to talk to and having to find and pay for a babysitter again BUT in all honesty I have to say I’ve never been happier.
Sometimes on the radio I’ll hear them say “Thank goodness it’s Friday everyone!” I’ll think to myself “I remember those days.” I remember what it was like to absolutely dread the thought on Sunday night that I had to wake up in the morning and go to work the next day. I basically lived for the weekend.
Those jobs and school etc etc were all worth it and I wouldn’t do it any differently but it’s amazing how I don’t dread Monday morning anymore.
I love my day to day. I love my kids and I even love the hard things that come with raising kids full time.
I can’t speak for anyone else but that promise in Mosiah is absolutely true for me. He makes my burdens light upon my shoulders and bears them up with ease and all that worry about finances and education and houses and goals…and…and…He takes care of and carries when I'm trying my very best to do what He wants me to.